Use Your Words

Illustration of idea that women reject remaining silent about sexual harassment.

After taking a month or so away from work (my brand work), I have to tell you, I’m happy to be back. As many of you were making New Years resolutions, I was dicking around doing my best to avoid any sort of reality. I have to do that sometimes. But I’m back…with a mission, a plan, a voice and a new podcast launching very soon, details to come. But hot damn, I need to address some female shit right now.

I’m not going to lie, I was bothered by the whole Aziz Ansari “scandal.” I really like him. I like his standup (I’ve seen him LIVE and even took him a case of Upland Beer because I was their social media director for over two years and they used our beer on Parks and Rec…) I like his show Master of None. Yeah, I’m a fan. (Some of my feminist friends are probably unfriending me RIGHT now, which is maybe why I haven’t written about this yet.) But you know what? I don’t give a shit anymore. Especially after watching Bill Maher last night when he mentioned Ben Affleck getting shit for being in support of the #metoo movement then getting crucified for grabbing some tits in the 90’s. No matter what anyone says, there’s a fucking difference between rape and someone brushing up against your ass or jokingly grabbing you. Hell, if Louis CK dropped pants in front of me, I’d laugh, ask what the fuck he was doing, and think he was a weirdo for doing it as I was telling my close friends. “Yo, put your dick away dude, gross.”

But as far as the photographer who used “non-verbal” cues to share her uncomfortableness with Ansari, (he’s not the master of telepathy, he’s the master of NONE), after thinking about it, and putting myself in that position, I decided that this was a big fat lesson on the words I used to tell my now 14 year-old when she was two years old. “Use your words, honey.”

Not only “use your words,” but my ladies, this is now the time and the place to get out of whatever shitty situation you’re in that you’re uncomfortable with, and stop making excuses or pointing to others to blame. Case in point, leave Aziz’s apartment if you’re THAT uncomfortable with him wanting to have sex with you and sticking his dirty fingers in your mouth. If you get naked with someone, (this goes for ALL humans, men and women) you can assume, he or she is going to try to have sex with you. He’s human. Humans like to fuck, so don’t get naked if you don’t WANT TO!

I love the #metoo movement, and I’m as feministic as they come, but I’m not void of my own personal responsibility when it comes to putting myself in certain situations that may or may not end up how I want. However, I’m a woman, which means I will dress how I want, act how I want, and I won’t be surprised if people want to have sex with me especially if I get undressed with them, nor will I be “offended.” And ladies, neither should you. I mean, at what point are we becoming overly offended? Can’t we embrace our feminine, sexy, nasty sides and be unapologetic for it? And can’t we choose to leave any situation we’re not okay with? Isn’t that called being a grown up?

For those of you who are like, “Lindsay, you’re just not that sensitive.” Let me inform you that I ugly cry at every episode of This Is Us and every time Oprah opens her mouth. Believe me, I’m sensitive. I’ve been molested by a family member in my lifetime. I’ve been in the tattoo and music industry more than half my life, and have worked with stand up comedians over the last five years. I’ve seen and heard it ALL. But I’m certainly not butt hurt over it nor am I going to be pissy if something doesn’t work out quite the way I was expecting with someone I’ve liked or a celebrity. It’s called, “he’s just not that into you.” ….if he’s not calling you, asking you out, etc….read the book (it changed my dating life).

To clarify, rape is NOT okay, nor is sexual harassment. These things must stop. But I think more needs to be said up front, versus clamming up and then speaking to the public about it later. (Granted, women HAVE spoken up and been hushed which is why this movement is SO important…to stop THAT and keep men in power in check, like the Weinstein’s, Trump’s, Lauher’s and Cosby’s out there.) And you know what? Does my opinion matter? Meh, who knows? But this is my blog, so I’m going to speak my truth. Look, I’m beyond thrilled that women are marching and joining our badass feminine forces over things that absolutely need to change. (Though partly sad that this is all happening in this manner because this SHOULD NOT be happening in twenty fucking eighteen.) I just think we should maybe not get SO offended over every little thing. And Trump needs to be the fuck out of office, so if it took him being here for women to get the nerve to stand up to unacceptable bullshit, maybe it was worth it? I don’t know.

I truly believe this is our time. This is our chance to take power positions and make a positive impact on our fellow human beings. And I also think we should embrace every aspect of our physical, spiritual, emotional and sexual make up. And speak the fuck up. Here’s to #equality everything/everywhere…equal pay…equal protection. I think maybe it’s time for us to start grabbing our own pussies and truly get things done.


4 thoughts on “Use Your Words

  1. Interesting take. I’m too chicken to comment because it’s 2018 but I will say I appreciate your candor. For me, lots of common sense, kindness and consideration and as you say, using your words can clear lots of this up. As a father of a daughter and a granddaughter I hope we all get better at this


    1. Thanks for commenting. I want my own daughter to feel safe in speaking her truth, but I also think she needs to understand what happens when you get naked with someone. I mean, over sensitivity distracts from the true nature of this movement.


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