I hope you have all had an amazing and inspiring week.
I feel called to talk about the big V word today.
Yup - Vulnerability.
I've had multiple conversations about vulnerability this past week - both with friends and with clients - and the biggest takeaway from all of them is that it's one of our greatest fears.
And I get it. BUT - what's important to understand is that without vulnerability, we can kiss true closeness goodbye. Let's walk through this.
How many times has our vulnerability burned us?
I can think of a million.
How often has it made us build walls that feel nearly impossible to tear down?
I can think of a few instances off the top of my head.
Fear is a bitch.
Fear of letting people in so we don't get hurt.
Fear of rejection.
Fear that if people know too much about us, they'll use it against us - or take advantage of us in ways that have happened before.
Fear of rejection.
Fear that if people know too much about us, they'll use it against us - or take advantage of us in ways that have happened before.
I experienced the most painful year of my life in 2025. There were times I could barely breathe I was so hurt and angry. I had let someone in. I had been vulnerable. And by the time it was finally over, I had thrown my hands in the air and vowed to start dating women instead.
I giggle at it now.
But the pain was real.
I've had people in my life I thought were my friends talk shit behind my back and hurt me in serious ways. I've had people I thought I loved turn on me, reject me, and hurt me in the process.
Yes, I have scars - and I know you do too.
Pain is an inevitable part of the growth process. It shows us where we abandoned ourselves… and where we're being asked to return.
How else would we learn who is truly there because they love us?
And how often do we shrink ourselves to fit into someone else's box just to keep them?
Last week, I had my first date since my breakup nearly a year ago.
I've been toying with whether or not I should even talk about it - but I feel like I should. Not because it was the literal best first date I've ever been on… But because of how I showed up.
I've had to really reel it in to stay grounded in ME.
In this whole “getting to know someone new,” I'm learning how to connect without giving too much of myself away too quickly. I'm learning how to spot the green flags - and be open to someone accepting me exactly as I am.
No filter.
No performing.
No wondering, “Will this person accept me?”
No performing.
No wondering, “Will this person accept me?”
If he does, great.
If he doesn't… also great.
If he doesn't… also great.
Breaking old habits is never easy work.
Simple… but not easy. Old me would have been obsessed with perfection. Old me would have been wondering if I did too much or said too much, or if I'm even worth dating. Lame, right?
As much as I know I'm the coolest - and also an awesome girlfriend, the facts are - I'm probably not the easiest person to date.
I travel part of the year.
I live a very public life.
I'm extremely open about my experiences.
I live a very public life.
I'm extremely open about my experiences.
My life is far from “normal.”
So it takes someone with real confidence - and a full life of their own - to even get a seat at my table.
And the truth is… I have no idea what he's thinking.
Only time will tell.
But here's what feels different now:
I have very few fucks left to give.
I've stopped trying to impress someone to “get them” to like me.
I've learned to be deeply in love with who I am as a person.
And no one gets to take that power away from me again.
I've learned to be deeply in love with who I am as a person.
And no one gets to take that power away from me again.
The year I stayed alone to heal was the greatest gift I've ever given myself.
It raised my requirements.
It solidified my standards.
It solidified my standards.
Notice… I didn't say expectations.
Expectations = Control
Requirements / Standards = Self-Worth
Requirements / Standards = Self-Worth
I know that no matter what happens next, it's happening for me - regardless of the outcome.
I'm excited… but not because of someone else.
I'm excited because I feel solid in my growth.
I'm not waiting around wondering what someone thinks about me.
I'm fully living my life.
I'm not seeking approval.
I trust that what is for me will stay - and what isn't will fall away without me forcing it.
So I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable again.
Open.
Real.
Unarmored.
Real.
Unarmored.
Because I want the same courage and honesty given back to me. And that's the thing about vulnerability we don't talk about enough:
It isn't weakness.
It's willingness.
Willingness to be seen.
Willingness to risk connection.
Willingness to stay open… without abandoning yourself in the process.
Willingness to risk connection.
Willingness to stay open… without abandoning yourself in the process.
And that kind of vulnerability Is where real connection finally has room to land.
I know it can be scary to open yourself back up once you've been hurt…but the key is to be so in tune with what you want and who you are, you'll be able to spot red flags that won't work for you.
Let me know if this resonates.
Have you been too afraid to be vulnerable?
2 comments
Great article and very well written. I appreciate your openness and vulnerability to tell your story.
This topic really hit. Since 2013 my life has been a battlefield and I have been the casualty. Betrayal has been the game and I have been the loser. In 2018 I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma and under going a double masectomy. There’s much more to this story because I enduring narcissistic during this time as well. Yet there is this spark that refuses to give up, I tell potential partners about the cancer so they can decide and most I never hear from again. But not all have vanished. What really hurts is the ones that think they can use you because you are “damaged”. But vulnerability? I wouldn’t write it off. I wouldn’t write anything off. Under the right circumstances anything is possible.