The Breakdown is Essential for the Rebuild

Happy Friday.

 

I'm just going to jump right in with this one. We talk a lot about rising, pivoting, moving forward. But what about the part where everything falls apart first? That space where the healing hurts more than the heartbreak? That's where I found myself this week—and this piece came from that place. If you've ever felt like you're supposed to “bounce back” before you're ready, this is for you.

 

Healing sucks. Let's just be honest about it. In theory, it's something we all need to do—when someone hurts us, when something breaks, when life doesn't go as planned...And there aren't any of us who haven't gone through this processing state. It's all a part of our soul evolution. It's all a part of life. But it's never pretty, and it's never easy.

 

I've been thinking about this process so much this week. The book I have coming out is all about self-love and self-worth, rebuilding, moving forward. But rarely do we talk about how excruciating it is. Rarely does anyone tell you about the days, weeks, sometimes months, they spend crying their faces off, unable to leave their homes, crippled with anxiety, and feeling like they're broken, even when they know they're not.

 

I've gotten pretty good at hiding from myself throughout some of these moments in my life. I'll be the first one to tell you to feel whatever it is you're going through, and tell you that rejection is protection. And everything happens for a reason. All of that is true, but so is anger and resentment and pain. All of this is true at the same time. And yes, the pivot is so important.

 

But it's also important to remember you can't hide from any of it. Sure, you can run. But your feelings will catch up with you. Something will trigger them. Something always does.

 

I had to sit with some heavy shit this week. I had to sit with things I hadn't even begun to process because I have been so “busy.” I don't know if it was the new moon, or mercury in retrograde or what, but I really had to take a deep look in the mirror with some of my patterns when it comes to toxic positivity. 

 

*Look at the bright side. You have so much going for you. Empty your email. Tell yourself a new story. Look at your social media. Tell yourself it's okay. And everything happens for a reason. Get lost in all the motivational shit that comes across your feed. Say it all out loud. Write it all down. Justify spending hours there because it's helping you and you're “growing.” High five yourself in the f*cking mirror…pretend that's enough. “Let them” do their thing. Watch a show. Ignore it. Go to sleep. Ignore it. Work out. Focus on you. Live your best life. Read a book. Still hiding. Sweep it all under the rug. SCREAM.*

 

But let's be real: we never really scream until we have to. So here are the things I'm reminding myself of right now - the things I'm still learning, too.

 

Time does help heal you. But only if you let yourself feel first.

Only if you let the anger have a voice. Only if you let the grief rip through you without trying to dress it up in affirmations and hashtags.

 

The breakdown is essential for the rebuild.

You can't skip that part. Trust me. I've tried. You can't bypass it with a vision board or a green juice or another self-help reel. You have to sit in the rubble for a while. And that's okay. And there isn't a time frame for which you need to rise from the ashes either.

 

You are not weak for breaking down. You are wise for allowing it.
Because from that broken-open space, something new begins.
Not a better version of you. A truer version. One that isn't running. One that doesn't numb. One that sees it all, feels it all—and chooses to rise anyway.

 

If you're in it right now, I see you. If you're hiding behind your strength, I get it. But I promise you—there's a softer strength waiting on the other side. The kind that doesn't have to pretend anymore - when you actually go through the feeling process.

 

So scream. Cry. Shatter if you have to. Then rebuild.
Brick by bloody brick. Because this? This is the work that will bring you home to yourself.

 

Please share with anyone who may need to hear this. 

 

Until next week, I love you. 🩷