Happy Friday!
I hope you've all had an incredible week. Been thinking a lot about growth this week, as I've been working with my Self-Worth Intensive Group. So I wanted to address the unsexy side of growth. Maybe you've been there before. Maybe you're currently here.
When you start creating boundaries, people get uncomfortable. Fact.
Not everyone is going to support your growth or boundaries - especially the people who benefited from you not having any. That part isn't talked about enough. So here we are, and I've been there.
It hurts to realize that some of the people you want cheering you on may feel threatened instead. Why is this? Why can't everyone get on board?
Sometimes it's because your growth asks something of them. Sometimes it's because staying the same feels safer. Sometimes there's a payoff in the old dynamic - familiarity, misery, control, comfort.
I say this often in my Self-Worth Resets that we often feel safer in the known chaos as opposed to walking straight into the uncomfortable unknown.
And sometimes, when you step into your power, it forces people to look at the ways they aren't stepping up in their own lives. So instead of doing their own work, they say you've changed.
Yes. You have.
That's the whole point.
That's the whole point.
Yeah - this work is not for the faint of heart. What no one really prepares you for is how lonely growth can feel at first.
People fall away. Conversations shift. The familiar support you thought you had starts to feel conditional. And that can make you question yourself - Am I doing this wrong? Am I being selfish? Am I asking for too much?
You're not.
One of the most important things to remember during this phase is this:
You are not responsible for other people's emotional reactions to your boundaries.
Discomfort doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
It often means something is being rewritten.
It often means something is being rewritten.
The loneliness isn't permanent. I promise.
As you continue to grow, you find new people - people who celebrate your expansion instead of fearing it. People who don't need you to stay small so they can feel safe.
My first group will be graduating the Self-Worth Intensive Workshop next week, and I've been blown away by their courage. Every single one of them has had to set boundaries, tolerate discomfort, and build inner strength in ways they never had before. And the beautiful thing is that they didn't have to do it alone.
They had language for what they were feeling.
They had tools to move through it.
They had a community that understood.
They had tools to move through it.
They had a community that understood.
I'm so deeply proud of these humans for choosing themselves - even when it was uncomfortable.
If any of this resonates and you want to learn more, I'm hosting the final Self-Worth Reset of the week tomorrow (SATURDAY) at 12pm PST. It's a space to explore what's coming up for you and see if this work feels aligned for where you are right now.
Whether you join us or not, please know this:
If growth feels lonely right now, it doesn't mean you're lost.
It means you're becoming.
It means you're becoming.
I love you,
Lindsay M.
3 comments
It seems like there’s been a concerted effort in society to make us think that self love is narcissism. It’s not. In fact it took me many years but I finally realized not loving myself was keeping me from fully being there for others. But some people in life you have to let go of to move on or no matter how happy and positive you are they will always bring you down with them.
For years had people around me say “You need to stick up for yourself, You need to say no sometimes, You are letting people walk over you”. When I finally stood up for myself .. Those SAME people that told me to .. said “what is your problem?” “Why are you acting like this?” They wanted me to stand up for myself to OTHER people but when i said NO to them.. or said hey these are MY needs.. I got called selfish and uncaring and I was only thinking of myself ..
Something u said at the end struck me: “They had language for what they were feeling.”
This resonated with me bcuz, in the many years I’ve been in recovery, which involves MUCH reflecting & repairing & rebuilding & resetting, I sometimes did not have the language to describe what I thought & felt. When one cannot communicate it causes frustration, which can fester over time & become destructive. I don’t want to open a can of worms here, so suffice to say that my whole life has been a cataloge of regret & frustration over the inability to change the past or find a successful path forward.
Finding the language to express my situation, thoughts & feelings has helped me acknowledge & accept what is.