The Shame Game
Last week was a tough one. I got hit hard with whatever chest and sinus thing that has been going around. I am not a good patient. Especially because I didn’t do the rest of my 30 days of gratitude. I didn’t get things done I had planned. I canceled an entire week of my life, and I felt so much shame and disappointment around it. It was very hard for me to give myself grace.
I feel like giving myself grace is the key theme for this last month of the year. I feel like it should be for all of us. We are about to enter a new year, and I feel like right now is the time to release the thoughts that don’t serve us. Because as much as I preach loving yourself and believing in yourself, I have a tough time always practicing that for me sometimes. Shame is tied into all of this.
Shame is a powerful emotion. Unlike guilt, which is tied to actions ("I did something wrong"), shame strikes at the core of our being ("I am something wrong"). It whispers in our ears, telling us we’re not good enough, lovable enough, or worthy of connection. And none of these things are actually true.
Why Shame Matters
Shame thrives in silence. It has a way of disconnecting us from others and keeps us trapped in cycles of self-doubt. Left unchecked, it can impact our relationships, mental health, and overall sense of self-worth.
But here’s the good news: shame isn’t a life sentence. With awareness and the right tools, we can access the ability to confront it and take steps toward healing.
Recognizing Shame
Do you ever find yourself thinking:
- “What if they find out?”
- “I’ll never be enough.”
- “I have to keep this part of me hidden.”
These are telltale signs of shame at work. Recognizing these thoughts is the first step to understanding the role shame plays in your life. So let’s reverse it.
Steps Toward Freedom
- Name it: Speak your shame aloud or write it down. Naming it removes its power.
- Challenge it: Ask, “Is this shame speaking, or is this reality?”
- Seek connection: Shame can’t survive empathy. Sharing your experience with someone you trust can help you heal.
- Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a dear friend.
But always remember: You are not alone.
We all experience shame in one form or another. Remember, it doesn’t define you. You are more than the sum of your mistakes or insecurities.
If this topic resonates with you, consider exploring works by Brené Brown, who has extensively researched shame and vulnerability, and I’ve read just about everything she’s written. One of my favorites is her book, Daring Greatly, which is something I'd pick up as soon as you can.
If you catch yourself feeling a certain way, I encourage you to journal about a moment when you felt shame and what you learned from it. You might be surprised at the clarity this brings.
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to reclaim my power. Let’s do this together.