The Trauma Loop (And How to Break It)

Happy Friday! 

 

I want to tell you a quick story. This past Sunday, I was at a football party with some dear friends. At one point, the conversation turned to loyalty - and how deeply we want to believe in people. Even the ones who have let us down more than once.

 

One of my friends shared that someone she had let go of years ago had recently reappeared in her life. Within two hours of reconnecting, the very reason the friendship had ended resurfaced - clear as day. Old patterns. Familiar behavior. The same manipulation that had made her walk away in the first place.

 

It was painful to witness. Not because my friend was naïve - but because she was hopeful. She had been open, yet she had set a boundary. And still, the dynamic revealed itself almost immediately.

 

They shared nearly a lifetime of memories together.

But here's the truth we don't ever like to face:

 

Memories don't equal healthy, even when it once was. 
History doesn't equal change.
And loyalty doesn't obligate us to stay where we're harmed.

 

No amount of hope, love, or loyalty can make someone be anything other than who they are - especially if they have no interest in doing their own work.

 

This is where things get tricky.

 

Most of us don't realize we're living inside a trauma loop.

I'd been living in one my entire life.

 

It doesn't always look dramatic.

It often looks like being “loyal.” 
Like being understanding.
Like putting other people first and telling yourself you're just being kind.

 

But underneath it, something else is happening.

 

We stay quiet to stay connected.
We override our needs to avoid conflict.
We explain ourselves instead of trusting ourselves.
We hold potential over reality and call it hope.

 

That's not loyalty.
That's self-abandonment.

 

A trauma loop is what happens when your nervous system learns that staying small feels safer than being honest. When your body chooses familiarity over freedom - even when that familiarity hurts.

 

And here's the part I want you to hear clearly:

 

You don't break a trauma loop with one big decision.
You break it with small, consistent pivots.

 

That's where most people get stuck. They think change has to be dramatic. That they need to confront everything at once. That healing means burning their life down and starting over.

It doesn't.

 

A micro-pivot is a small, trauma-aware shift that tells your nervous system: I'm safe to choose myself now.

It can look like:

These moments may seem insignificant, but they're not.
They are how self-trust is built.

 

Self-worth isn't about feeling confident.
It's about doing what you know is true for you - especially when it's uncomfortable.

 

Every time you make a micro-pivot instead of abandoning yourself, you weaken the trauma loop.

Every time you stay present instead of shrinking, you reinforce a new pattern.

 

And no - it doesn't feel good at first.

 

Growth feels awkward.
It feels lonely.
It feels like butterflies, a racing heart, and the urge to go back to what's familiar.

 

That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.
It means you're doing something new.

 

If you're noticing these patterns in yourself and want a supportive space to work through them, I'm hosting Self-Worth Resets this week. They're a place to slow down, name what's happening in real time, and practice micro-pivots with support.

 

You don't have to speak.
You don't have to share.
You don't have to have your camera on.

You just have to show up.

 

Whether you join us or not, here's what I hope you take with you today:

 

If you feel stuck, you don't have to stay there.
It means your nervous system is ready to learn something new.

And that learning happens one small shift at a time.

 

I'm sharing the full schedule below.

I'd love for you to join us. Click on the day to register. 🩷

 

 

I love you, 

Lindsay M.